God Is Good All The Time!!

Tips for a happy marriage, even as parents...

How is your married life? Is it everything you hoped it would be? Is it pushed down your list of priorities with kids? I have only been married for 10 months, and I am getting a crash course in marriage and parenthood with a step-daughter. We have our moments when we are exhausted and cranky, just like everyone else. I was just thinking about my married life, and I am so happy that my wife and I have a good relationship. Marriage is the foundation that the entire family is structured upon. If your marriage is strong, the entire family will be strong...your life will be more peaceful, you'll be a better parent, and you'll have more fun in life. Here are a few tips that I think really help keep a happy marriage during the stressful times of parenthood:

1. Go to church - My wife and I attend LifeChurch every week. We love the experience! Not only during the services, but it gives us some conversation topics each week on the sermon subject. I remember this line in church over the years..."if it is right vertically, it is right horizontally". That is so true!! If you have things in your life right with God...then you'll notice that everything going on around you is amazing!

2. Make a commitment - You must be willing to put time, effort, and thought into nurturing your marriage. Keep in mind that your children will really benefit from a healthy marriage, too. Children would feel so much more secure knowing that Mom and Dad are so happy! Especially in today's world when probably half the marriages fail. How cool would it be for the kids if they had daily proof that their family life is stable and predictable. Make a commitment to your marriage, and the children will feel the difference. A simple change in attitude and a committed focus results a stronger marriage.

3. Look for the good, overlook the bad - You married your spouse for good reason....surely they have great qualities about them. Try to ignore the little things like dirty underwear on the floor and dirty glass on the counter...instead search for the good. Things like your husband helping you clean house, your wife fixing you a home-cooked meal, working together on certain tasks, taking care of you when you were sick, etc.

4. Giving two compliments everyday - Now that you are looking for the good, it is time to show your appreciation. This is a golden key to your spouse's heart. When we go to work, don't we love to be acknowledged by our boss/co-workers for our hard work? Same thing goes at the house. It stinks when on a daily basis, the only things pointed out are the negative....how about some positive reinforcement for a change? Compliments make people feel so good about themselves...especially in a negative world. When your spouse says, "You're the best, I'm so glad I married you!". It not only makes you feel loved, it makes you feel more loving. Compliments are easy to give, take little time, they are free...they are so powerful and all it takes is a little effort to say them. Little things like "Dinner was great, thanks for cooking", "thanks for picking up those items from the store, it saved me a trip", "thanks for cleaning the house while I was at work, it looks great". Just a little acknowledgement goes a long way!

5. Play nice - I know that sounds a little funny, but think about it. How often do you see partners in life treating one another impolite? Harsher than they'd even treat a friend. Sometimes we take our loved one's for granted and unintentionally display rudeness or even our frustration from our long day. As the saying goes, if you have a choice of being right or being nice...just choose to be nice. Or the other saying, "if you don't anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

6. Pick your battles - How often have we all heard this advice in parenting? It is great advice to follow in marriage, too. In any human relationship, there will be disagreement and conflict. The key is deciding which issues are worth pursuing and which one's would be better ignored. Next time you are annoyed, just take a minute and examine the issue at hand. Is it really worth it?

7. The 60 second cuddle - You can often identify a newly married couple by how much they touch each other...except in my marriage. haha! Just kidding, honey! I started reading into affection between married couples. Since this topic is about married couples, I came across this interesting "known fact"....Moms often have less need of physical contact from their spouse because their babies and children provide so much opportunity for touch and cuddling that at day's end finds them "touch fulfilled". So here is a simple reminder...touch your spouse more. A simple hug, kiss, holding hands/arm, etc...the good feeling it produces for both of you far outweighs the effort. Here is the deal: whenever you have been apart for a period of time during the day, make it a rule that you take 60 seconds to cuddle, touch, and connect. This can be addictive! I believe if you do this, you will find yourselves touching more often and increasing the romantic aspect of your marriage!

8. Spend more time talking and listening to your spouse - My wife and I make it a point every single night in bed (after the kid is in bed) to take lots of time to talk and listen about everything going on in our day/life. Get into the habit of talking about something you read that day, something you saw on tv, your hopes/dreams/concerns. Take a special interest in those things your spouse is interested in and ask questions...then listen.

9. Spend time with your spouse - Like I said above, my wife and I share a few hours each night talking, watching shows while cuddling, and a date night almost weekly. It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive, if you are always being "mommy and daddy" and not spending time being "husband and wife". When you and your spouse regularly connect, you might find a renewed love between you! You also might find that it has given you a refreshment as a parent, which in turn will make you a better parent, more loving parent. You owe it to yourself, your spouse, and your kids to nurture your relationship.

My challenge for you is to apply these items to your marriage for the next month....then get back to me. If you do this, maybe you will watch your marriage take on a whole new glow! If you have more suggestions, I would love for you to comment....I love hearing how people married for umpteen years has made it work. I've just recently been studying on having a happy marriage/parent life...I'm still a newbie!